Taking Responsibility

It seems I go through phases where I have the extra time to blog, journal, take pictures, bake, exercise, read, etc. and then go through major slumps where I have zero time to even think about myself, let alone do the things I enjoy doing.  Looking back through my journals and blogs, I get sad thinking about all the time that passed in between the entries and posts, and I honestly have a hard time remembering exactly what took up so much of that time; although I know my schoolwork can take the blame for a good chunk of that time.  I started writing this entry ten days ago, for crying out loud!

Distractions are abundant in life.  Everyone needs some form of accountability in his or her life to stay on track.  Sometimes it feels like I need a nagging gnome following me around, reminding me about the size-too-small pants I bought two-weeks ago to motivate my exercise routine or about the stack of bills that have accumulated on the kitchen counter that need sorting.  With all of the responsibilities that accrue in life, it is so easy to get behind and forget about yourself and everyone else. 

Since I moved back to the United States last August, my life has been in a sort of upheaval.  The spare time to run down to the gym or slip into a baking frenzy often gets weighed out in lieu of getting some extra rest or unwinding with a glass of wine or two with Grey's Anatomy.  Eventually, the flow of my life will find a rhythm, but until then, how am I supposed to keep myself grounded and sane?

I came home with hopes of devoting more of me to family and friends.  Although a great amount of time has been devoted to my schoolwork, I still find myself with an aching void that yearns to be filled and with the bare minimum amount of time to give to anyone else but me.  Time and time again, I expend too much energy trying to schedule my life and squeeze my "routine" into allotted blocks on a calendar.  The only thing I have learned from taking a step back and realizing what I am doing is that it simply is not working.

So, today is Day 1 of my challenge to take responsibility for myself.  I'm taking a hiatus from the moaning and complaining, from the "If I only had the time to...," the "What ifs," and the pity parties.  Today, I only require myself and my accountability to focus on the now, and I suppose I will worry about tomorrow in the morning.